Remember boundaries from school and at home. “Don’t color outside the line. All assignments must be turned in before the second bell. Only ride your bike on this street. Be home before dark.” Why do we have boundaries?
As caregivers, we can probably think of many boundaries. How are these boundaries established? Who determines our boundaries or the boundaries of those for whom we are caring?
Boundaries are those areas that we determine will not be crossed for any reason. (most of the time) There are usually exceptions which lead to other exceptions. What happens to our boundaries?
On the caregiving journey, there are agreements with other family members. Perhaps it’s something as simple as a weekly day of relaxation for the primary caregiver. One week passes, with no respite. Another week passes which turns into months with no relaxation or “me time”. What happened to the boundary?
Do we remind our family member of this caregiving agreement? How important is it to each of us that the agreement is honored?
To avoid stress, overwhelm and eventually depression, it is essential to establish and maintain boundaries. This process involves, saying what we mean and meaning what we say. It’s about being direct.
What are your responsibilities as a caregiver? Are you performing all the tasks– Multi-tasking — laundry, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, scheduling medical appointments. Remember to set boundaries.
Delegate some of the responsibilities. Barter some of the services. You will be amazed to find that someone actually prefers to do something that you prefer not to. Constantly remind family members of your boundaries. It’s a part of your continual growth, health and well-being.
Reward yourself often because caregivers need care too.

We are courageous, strong and have a sense of self-belief in our abilities as caregivers. Does that mean we are confident caregivers? We feel safe and understood as we carry on with our day-to-day caregiving responsibilities. Or do we?
After days, weeks, months and years as the primary caregiver for a loved one, do we feel appreciated? Do you begin to look at caregiving from a different perspective? Are you able to draw confidence from others?
Has the confidence you once exuded turned into control? There is a significant difference?
Confidence allows us to give and to continue to receive. It allows us to hear and to listen to the voices and challenges of others. Confidence nurtures the wonderful caring spirit in the midst of our caregiving. Of course, there are times when time-outs are essential and many times when they are sought after.
Controlling a caregiving situation can lead to unfavorable domination, commanding and unnecessary micro-managing.
Are you a confident caregiver or a controlling caregiver? During the next few days, observe your actions. Make necessary adjustments. You can do this.
How are you handing your emotions? How comfortable are you as you focus on the real intention of your caregiving? Sometimes re-evaluating the scenario is needed. Share your thoughts and feelings with others.
Let’s continue to honor our gifts and talents and reach out to others as necessary.
A support system is always helpful as we focus on caring for ourselves and those who depend on us for care.
Confidence allows you to let go of what no longer works as we move more toward feeling safe, understood and accepted. That’s the confident caregiver.
Remember, Caregivers need, want and deserve care also. Your opinion matters. Let me hear from you. 310 673 3340
www.caregiversneedcaretoo.

Caregiver flyer group couple ladyIt still does not resonate with many adult children — they are becoming or have become the “carers” of their parent. How did this happen. We always look for Mom and Dad for guidance, encouragement and support. Now for many adult children, these roles have been and are being reversed.
What tools do these adult children have in place to become the caregivers of the parents? How do we mother Mom and father Dad? Where are the boundaries? Do we care for them in our home or do we move in with them? What about adult day centers if we — the adult children — are still working outside the home? Have we thought of assisted living, in-home support or even nursing care facilities?
I want to share this article with you and look forward to hearing your feedback.
Remember, Caregivers need care too.

Valleys and Mountains of Caregiving2013Did you believe the full or almost full time care of a spouse or parent would be without stress? Did you think family members and friends would be available and understanding to support you at that most crucial moment?
Has it changed? How long have you been the primary caregiver for a loved one? How often are you taking breaks? Do you think about respite?
Caregivers need care, attention, time outs, managed time and just time for themselves to be and do some of the things they used to do or just to sit and think and relax and not worry about the care and concern of others.
How often are you willing or would you be willing to fit this “time out” into your schedule?
If you live in the Los Angeles area, New Beginnings is offering a caregiver discussion focusing on ups and downs of caregiving. Join us.

When do the holidays officially start? Somewhere around Halloween? Our expectations grow. Stress starts to increase. Who’s coming for dinner? Are they spending the night? If so, are there dietary restrictions? Are they bringing additional guests who have never visited before?
Are they sharing in the food preparation? Should prepared meals be purchased? Are we able to go out for the holiday dinner?
These are some of the questions famiies face during the holiday season. Let’s imagine these questions in addition to caring for a loved one who is no longer able to provide the proper care for themselves. Do you feel the stress compounding?
We are in the midst of the hoilday season. What are you as the caregiver in your family doing as a caregiver to take better care of yourself?
Have you suggested that friends and family members bring a dish to share? How about a potluck dinner? Holidays are really about quality time spent with loved ones. Do they really know the difference between your homemade pie and one from the local bakery? More importantly, do you have the time and the energy to make those specialties while caring for your loved one?
If you do, when are you getting the necessary rest and attention you need and deserve?
Whenever friends, family member or associates call asking if there is something they can do to assist you with your caregiving needs, please respond with an errand, a task or volunteer service.
They really do want to help.
Do not hesitate to shorten visits from family and friends. You are enjoying their company, but are most likely exhaiusted from your day-to-day routine and the extras for this holiday season.They understand.
It is also important to make friends and family aware of the health of the person who is being cared for. Perhaps there have been major changes since they last saw or spoke with your loved one. Will Mom or Dad recognize them? Do young children make too much noise? Does your loved one sleep most of the day? Do they wander around? Consider the inconvenience of the loved one.
Holiday caregiving can be easier for you and the family if you allow others to assist you and don’t make grand plans that will leave you more stressed and tired after the holidays end.
Remember that you are a special gift to the family, to yourself and to your loved one. Take advantage of offerings. — a movie, spa day, shopping, time out. YOU NEED CARE TOO.

It’s a nice sunny Saturday afternoon — probably one of the last days to bask in sunshine before the coolness of autumn strikes. How do you celebrate this afternoon? Do you go inside and get a book or magazine and sit quiety reading or maybe even using your kindle? How about removing some of the overgrown weeds from your garden?
Did you think about just allowing yourself to accept these moments of deserved relaxation just being — just being?
As caregivers, we take less time to relax and unwind. Are we attempting to avoid self-care, or have we become accustomed to busying ourselves at all times? After a few minutes of rest and relaxation, that task will still be there patiently waiting.
What are some things you are avoding as a caregiver? Just like those weeds in our garden, left unattended, the issues you are avoiding start to grow beyond control.
Do you schedule and attend regular doctor’s appointments? Are you following orders after the visit? If medications have been prescribed, have the prescriptions been filled and are you taking the medications as directed. When is the last time you planned regular date-nights and social activities with friends?
Just as the days of summer wind down, caregivers have to take time-outs to wind down from the day-to-day responsibilities of caring for loved ones.
Avoiding self-care only leads to more issues such as unnecessary stress, chronic diseases, lack of focus, isolation. Call a friend, walk around the block, watch a favorite television program, take a nap, sip a nice hot tea or other favored healthy drink, listen to music and dance. The movement is good for your body. Laugh as you remember that step.
As a caregiver, it is important to take care of youself. This allows you to give your loved one the best care.
Share your ideas with me. Because I know Caregivers Need Care Too.
310 673 3349

Dementia is widespread. Are we doing what we can to maintain our health and well-being?
There are several risk factors. Some of those factors can be controlled. Let’s do our part.
Are you continuing to smoke? For years, we have known that smoking is bad for our health. There is emphysema and other lung complications.Of course, the price of cigarettes may be a deterrent for many.
How active are you? A sedentary lifestyle comes with demerits. Is is possible to walk for 30 minutes a day in increments of 3- 10 minute walks?
Aging plays a role in dementia. Most cases are diagnosed after age 70. We want to live long healthy lives. The healthier we are, the less chance we are prone to other health maladies that may lead to dementia.
How about our diets? Is your favorite food high in calories and fat? Are most of your meals unbalanced? Add more color to your daily menus– greens, organges and reds. That will allow you more vitamins and nutrients.
Age we age, some of us have a tendency to gain weight. This is another contributing factor for dementia. As our age increases, we can decrease our food intake and continue to exercise. This may prevent type 2 diabetes.
These are a few initiatives we can take to prevent contributors to dementia.
Let’s get out and move while we eat healthier diets. It’s easier for us to care for our loved ones and other family members if we are taking the best care of ourselves.
Remember, Caregivers need care too.
www.caregiversneedcaretoo.com
310 673 3349

Meditation May Help Fight Loneliness, Study Says
Researchers also looked at its effect on stress and inflammation in older adults
FRIDAY, Aug. 24 (HealthDay News) — A simple form of meditation can help stave off feelings of loneliness and may cut the body’s inflammatory response — which can trigger serious illness — to distressing emotions, a small new study suggests.

Researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles and Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh found that older adults who participated in an eight-week program of mindfulness-based stress reduction — which attunes the mind to the present and avoids dwelling on the past or projecting into the future — reported a reduced sense of loneliness on an established ratings scale. Blood tests also indicated a significant decrease in the expression of inflammation-related genes.

“I think meditation training can help [people] develop a new relationship to feelings of stress,” said study co-author J. David Creswell, director of the Health and Human Performance Laboratory at Carnegie Mellon. “It puts a brake on this process … and turns down the chronically stressed state people may be in, thereby turning down the pro-inflammatory cascade. I think it may be targeting the stress component of loneliness such that it doesn’t blow itself out of proportion.”

The study appeared online recently in the journal Brain, Behavior, and Immunity.

Previous research has linked feeling lonely to a heightened risk of heart disease, Alzheimer’s, depression and premature death, and higher levels of inflammation in the body may play a role. The study authors said the new research was the first to show that a psychological intervention that decreases loneliness also cut pro-inflammatory gene expression.

Forty adults (mostly women) between the ages of 55 and 85 were randomly assigned to either a mindfulness meditation group or a control group that didn’t meditate. At the beginning and end of the two-month study, all participants were assessed for their feelings of loneliness and blood levels of gene expression for inflammation markers.

The meditation group participated in weekly two-hour group sessions, a daylong retreat later in the study and 30 minutes of daily home mindfulness practice. Group sessions consisted of an instructor leading participants in guided mindfulness meditation exercises, yoga and stretching, and discussions designed to foster awareness of participants’ moment-to-moment experiences.

The research provided additional clues as to how this form of meditation may affect the health of lonely older adults, the study authors said, although it did not assess whether the reduction in pro-inflammatory gene expression translated into meaningful differences on disease outcomes.

“It didn’t measure inflammation directly and didn’t really tell you whether their bodies are producing any more or less inflammation,” said Dr. Jeremy Koppel, a geriatric psychiatrist and research scientist at Zucker Hillside Hospital in Glen Oaks, N.Y., and the Feinstein Institute for Medical Research in Manhasset, N.Y. But, “the study is suggestive of a very interesting and novel approach to the problem of loneliness … and broadens the potential benefit to other diseases of late life.”

More information
Wanted to share this informattion with you. Remember, caregivers need care too.
Visit the U.S. National Center for Complementary

This is a great article from aging.com.  I think you will like it.  Let me know what you are doing for yourself when you are staying overnight with a loved one.  It is important for you to get the care you want and deserve.

If good self-care is tough for caregivers to manage, self-care during a loved one’s medical crisis can feel downright impossible. The vending machine meals. The nights spend upright in an uncomfortable chair. The worry.

Obviously the focus is on the person in need. But that doesn’t mean you have to ignore your own needs completely. Especially when a medical emergency or hospitalization is prolonged, you’ll feel better — and be more effective — if you can muster a few basic self-care “survival” strategies.

What helps:

Clean up in the bathroom. If you spend the night in the hospital, bring a towel and shampoo to the family bathroom in the mornings so you can clean up. Take a shower, if one is available. Even a quick refresher will recharge you for the new day.

Skip the sodas. Start your day with strong coffee, if you like, but switch to tea and water for the remainder of the day. Soda doesn’t do anything for you nutritionally and leaves you feeling bloated and sluggish.

Create alternate routines. Try taking the stairs or parking farther away. Walk around the hospital floor if you’re nervous about going far away. Take standing and stretching breaks while you’re sitting bedside.

Don’t try to do too much at once. Make one or two healthful change-ups a day: Stop to pick up some good food (even a ready-to-go meal from a grocery store) rather than fast food. Swap a vending machine snack for some fruit from home.

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An anonymous caregiver said…

1 minute ago

A reminder to take care of yourself too.

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If good self-care is tough for caregivers to manage, self-care during a loved one’s medical crisis can feel downright impossible. The vending machine meals. The nights spend upright in an uncomfortable chair. The worry.

Obviously the focus is on the person in need. But that doesn’t mean you have to ignore your own needs completely. Especially when a medical emergency or hospitalization is prolonged, you’ll feel better — and be more effective — if you can muster a few basic self-care “survival” strategies.

What helps:

Clean up in the bathroom. If you spend the night in the hospital, bring a towel and shampoo to the family bathroom in the mornings so you can clean up. Take a shower, if one is available. Even a quick refresher will recharge you for the new day.

Skip the sodas. Start your day with strong coffee, if you like, but switch to tea and water for the remainder of the day. Soda doesn’t do anything for you nutritionally and leaves you feeling bloated and sluggish.

Create alternate routines. Try taking the stairs or parking farther away. Walk around the hospital floor if you’re nervous about going far away. Take standing and stretching breaks while you’re sitting bedside.

Don’t try to do too much at once. Make one or two healthful change-ups a day: Stop to pick up some good food (even a ready-to-go meal from a grocery store) rather than fast food. Swap a vending machine snack for some fruit from home.

Was this article helpful?

I remember one of the dreaded, though much anticipated, calls from my Aunt Jennie, whom I had recently become Power of Attorney. Aunt Jennie was not able to continue paying her monthly bills. It was not a matter of finances. Her arthritis, in conjunction with Alzheimers no longer afforded her the quality of independence she was accustomed to.
I set up most of her utilities and monthly payments with direct deposit. This made it easier for both of us.
I entered this situation somewhat blindly– not being aware of her financial situation.
It’s important to know how much money is available? She was a retired nurse and received a pension from her deceased spouse. Where is the money coming from? Where is it going? There was no mortgage. Only the regular utilities. Living in the northeast, the winter utilities were more than summer and spring. The regular payments included telephone, no internet, insurances and cable. Of course there were the annual property taxes.
Growing up during the depression, Aunt Jennie saved for emergencies.
We were able to manage the finances with few problems until she was placed in a nursing care facility. Was the placement long-term? Would her home have to be sold? Did she have long-term care insurance? Was her burial in place? Was her will up-to-date?
As a caregiver, we are sometimes focusing on the health and well-being of our loved ones.
We must take the time to determine if the finances are in order and who is responsible when our loved one is no longer competent to make the financial decisions.
This is all a part of caring for the caregiver.
Let me hear your financial caregiving stories.
www.caregiversneedcaretoo.com